


The Dark

by deannalauren95



Series: Smile Pretty: An Anthology of Spilled Ink [7]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, Poetry, mental health, spilled ink, trigger warning: self harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-25
Updated: 2019-03-25
Packaged: 2019-12-07 04:01:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18229619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deannalauren95/pseuds/deannalauren95
Summary: I am afraid of the dark.





	The Dark

I am afraid of the dark. I’m drowning in it. Not the dark of a bedroom at night, monsters in the closet and underneath the bed sort of dark. I am afraid of the all-encompassing emptiness kind of dark. The kind that squeezes my heart and the kind that fills my lungs and I choke on the darkness kind of dark. The dark that is like the very bottom of the ocean, or the emptiness of space. The darkness where all my demons hide. The darkness that whispers in my ear:

_“Make yourself bleed. Don’t eat that. They don’t really love you. You’re worthless.”_

Sometimes the darkness is my mother. Telling me I’m not good enough, I’m worthless, I’m fat, I’m bad. Other times it’s me, a dark and twisted version of me, telling me everything that’s wrong with me. Sometimes I don’t recognise the voice, maybe it’s that boy from elementary school who told me not to smile, or that teenager who tried to rape a kindergarten me - I don’t remember what their voices sound like. Maybe the voice in the dark is the girls in the bathroom who forgot to wait until my back was turned to speak. Whoever the voice is this day, it won. I let it tell me it was okay to pull a blade across my skin and watch the blood pool. 

I’ll try again tomorrow. Tomorrow, I will _win_.


End file.
